random thoughts during the 2016 oscars...

So yesterday I had the bright idea to live blog my random thoughts on the Oscars today, so here we go....with a few disclaimers:

1. I am already drinking a very nice Wild Horse Pinot Noir. (It's after 5pm!) 
2. I apologize in advance for the negativity that will be spewed if The Big Short wins anything.
3. I'll try to keep the Dave Grohl comments to a minimum since this is a movie thing and he's a music thing, but hey.. I'm not the producer that hired him to perform tonight :P
4. If hours #2 and #3 (and likely #4) get boring, you may end up with random thoughts on the Kings vs. Sucky Ducks of Anaheim game that starts at 6pm PT. (That game will mean the difference between the Kings having a 6-point or 2-point lead in the Pacific division. #priorities)

First up: A Quick Red Carpet Summary

These people looked amazing: Alicia Vikander, Sofia Vergara, Saoirse Ronan, Bree Larson, Cate Blanchett, Charlize Theron

These people need to fire their stylists: Whoopi Goldberg, Olivia Wilde, Daisy Ridley, Rooney Mara, Charlotte Rampling, Amy Pohler

Fave quote from the Red Carpet: "I am presenting best live action short... because I'm short." -- Jacob Tremblay (who is wearing Milennium Falcon cuff links and Darth Vader socks with his mini-tux)

Missing from the Red Carpet: Jennifer Lawrence....

And now on to the show...

Nice of the producers to put Creed and Straight Outta Compton right next to each other, right at the end of the intro montage.... hmm.

The Monologue: 

• Chris Rock is wearing a white tux jacket. Coincidence? 
• "The Oscars... otherwise known as the white people's choice awards." 
• Thank you Chris Rock for saying what I've been thinking for weeks about Jada Pinkett Smith: "Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties. I wasn't invited.... But I get it. She's mad her man Will wasn't nominated for Concussion. I get it. It's not fair Will was this good and didn't get nominated. But it was also not fair that Will Smith was paid $20m for "Wild Wild West." Word. 
• I think he handled the whole controversy well... and made some very biting, yet true comments. I give him an A.

This year the show is following the order a film is made... first up, the writing awards. Um.. ok. I was all ready for Supporting Actor....

Best Original Screenplay: Spotlight. Yay! Amazing film. 

Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe should do a comedy together. That was a fun intro.

Best Adapted Screenplay: The Big Short. No comment. (I'm trying to be good)

Um... that Stacy Dash bit.. What? She's not big enough to be on that stage even if she is trying a mea culpa for being a complete idiot.

Thank god for Sarah Silverman's brain... show is back on track.. sort of.

I can't believe this Sam Smith song got nominated. Did not like it in the Spectre opening credits and like it less now. Although it is very brave of him to attempt hitting those high notes on live television in front of 80 million viewers. (Sorry Sam, you're no Adele.)

These pop-up video factoids are going to get really old, really quick.

Best Supporting Actress: Alicia Vikander. Yay! She so good in that film... she just makes your heart ache with hers.

Wait, so they are scrolling her thank you's on the bottom of the screen before she even gets to the stage. That's a little too staged for my liking.

"And we're black." Chris Rock on returning from commercial break... to the orchestrations of Huey Lewis and The News' "Power of Love."

Can I just say again how beautiful Cate Blanchett's dress is? Is that sexist?

Best Costume Design: Mad Mad: Fury Road. Bummer. My first prediction fail. And really... did a costume designer seriously wear black jeans, a scarf and a leather jacket to the Academy Awards?!?!?!? And then she gets played off while talking about the possibility of Mad Max's environmental prophecy coming true. Nice.

I heart Tina Fey.

Best Production Design: Mad Mad: Fury Road. Again... did these women not get the "black tie" memo on their invites?

Is Jared Leto wearing a rose as a bow tie?

Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Mad Max: Fury Road. This film is going to be the top winner in terms of Oscar count tonight. Mark my words.

Why was Jennifer Garner smiling like a fool while Benicio Del Toro was talking about Leo being mauled by a bear and left for dead as he introduced The Revenant? Was she imagining Ben Affleck was under the scruffy beard?

"Shoulda-be nominee Michael B. Jordan." Chris Rock dig #? (I'm drinking wine and decided an hour ago to not even try to count...)

Best Cinematography: The Revenant. Yep. Beautiful picture....

When Liev Schreiber speaks, I can't help but feel like I'm watching an HBO documentary...

Best Editing: Mad Max: Fury Road. That's four.

[Kings/Ducks 0-0 with 5 minutes left in the 1st period.]

I can only imagine the broken THX intro that made Brie Larson look really confused is leading to the Sound categories....

Yep.

Going out on a limb and betting these will be #5 and #6 for Mad Max: Fury Road.

Best Sound Editing: Mad Max: Fury Road.. and there was either a sound problem or a censor button going off right when they got to the stage. Those naughty Australians ;)

Best Sound Mixing: Mad Max: Fury Road. #6. Am I psychic or what? :p

Andy Serkis can only mean it's time for Visual Effects.. and I predict this is Mad Max: Fury Road's win #7.

Best Visual Effects: WHOA! Ex Machina UPSET! I am not happy. This is the award my friend Paige's hubby was up for for Mad Max. Bummer. If there was going to be an upset I thought it would be The Revenant's bear.

Okay, Jason Segal and Oliva Munn are pretty hilarious summarizing the Sci-Tech awards. A friend of my friends Daryl and James had something to do with "The Image Shaaaakkkkerrrr." I know this because James told me about it on our hike last weekend.

Yay! John Williams. Tonight is his 50th Oscar Nomination says C-3PO, so it must be true.

They keep teasing music.. where is Dave Grohl?

Okay Chris Rock, selling Girl Scout cookies in the audience was kind of genius. I hear the audience is usually starving. Way to win "Dad of the Year" and "Best Host" in one bit.

Best Animated Short: This is the one I predicted based on the posters. The Minons presented this in Minion-language. Bear Story won... well since a bear didn't win Best Visual Effects..... this is however the first Oscar for the country of Chile.

Buzz and Woody are presenting Best Animated Film and celebrating Pixar's 20th Anniversary. Gee, I wonder what is going to win this award ?? ;)

Best Animated Feature: Pixar's Inside Out. SHOCKER (not really)

Finally getting to the other Best Original Song performances... next up, The Weeknd performing "Earned It," the song that made Fifty Shades of Grey an Oscar Nominee the same year it swept the Razzies...  he is singing much better than Sam Smith, but not better -- I predict -- than Dave Grohl will.

[Kings/Ducks 1-1 to start the 2nd period. And check out this Drew Doughty hip check on Dave Perron.. apparently I'm missing one of the best games of the year according to the NBC Sports announcers, who, knowing it's Oscar night, also predict Dreeeeew will be up for a major award -- the Norris Trophy -- this year. Duh.]

Are those the same glasses Kate Winslet wore in Steve Jobs?

Chris Rock goes to the movies in Compton. This is going to be good....

• Chris Rock: "Do you feel that Trumbo should've been a bigger hit?" 
• Compton Movie-Goer: "What?"
• Chris Rock: "What about The Bridge of Spies"
• Compton Movie-Goer:"Where are you getting these movies from? You're making this up and messing with me, right? I come to the movies all the time..." 
• Chris Rock: "These are real movies!"
• Compton Movie-Goer:"Like in London and stuff?"
• Chris Rock: "What was your favorite movie of all time?"
• Compton Movie-Goer:"Super-fly."

Best Supporting Actor: Mark Rylance in "Bridge of Spies"! Yay. His performance deserved it. Sorry Sly. And a hug from Steven Spielberg :)

[Kings up 2-1 thanks to Tanner Pearson! Woot!]

Louis C.K. presenting Best Documentary Short Film ... and changing someone's life in the process. "This Oscar is going home in a Honda Civic." As someone who used to own a Honda Civic, I'm kind of offended.....

Best Documentary Short Subject: A Girl in the River - The Price of Forgiveness

Best Documentary Feature: Amy -- the one documentary I saw. Sad, sad story of Amy Winehouse.

[Sucky Ducks just tied it. Dammit]

Chris Rock raised $65k selling Girl Scout cookies.. thanks in large part to Suge Knight. Way to ruin it...

Required statement on diversity from the Academy President...

In Memorium... with a special performance by Dave Grohl and his guitar (but not that guitar) of "Blackbird."  (Sniff .... Alan Rickman :*( Sniff David Bowie.)  And beautiful performance by Dave.

Yay! It's time for Jacob Tremblay to present Best Live Action Short..... from on top of an apple box.... cuz he's short. He's so cute, even if he's standing too far from the microphone. I blame Chris Rock for that for his inaccurate apple box placement. Yet cute Jacob still said "Thanks Chris. I loved you in Madagascar." Aww.

Best Live Action Short: Stutterer

Best Foreign Language Film: Son of Saul

Veep Joe Biden gets a standing ovation... as he tries to find his teleprompter. Based on the start of his speech -- about intervening when men and women are abused -- I think he's introducing Lady Gaga's "Til It Happens to You" performance from "The Hunting Ground." Yep... "Welcome my friend Lady Gaga."

She's amazing. And what a powerful moment bringing abuse survivors out on the stage with "Survivor," "It Happened to Me," and "Unbreakable" written on their arms. A most deserved Standing O for them too.

There are still technically two more Best Original Song nominees left to perform, but since they're not going to win, can we just give Lady Gaga and Diane Warren their Oscar now?

Pharrell and Quincy Jones are presenting Best Original Score. Pharrell's hair is blond. Did he, Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera start a "Voice Coaches Blond Hair Club"?

Best Original Score: Ennio Morricone, The Hateful Eight. Yay! He's there to accept. He and John Williams got to sit together in a box. Fancy. He gets a standing O too... and a hug from Quincy. He has an Italian translator, he give special thanks to his fellow nominee John Williams and dedicates the award to his wife Maria. Aww.

OOH, Common and John Legend are coming out. They won Best Original Song last night. Maybe we won't have to hear the other two nominated best songs.

Best Original Song: WHAT?!?!?!?!? The crappy James Bond song?!?!?!?!?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

[And while that was happening, the Sucky Ducks are somehow now up 4 goals to 2 and the Kings acquired forward Kris Versteeg from the Hurricanes for a player I've never heard of and a draft pick.]

Now you bring out Sasha Baron Cohen to disrespectfully introduce Room?!?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Best Director: Alejandro G. Inarritu for "The Revenant" ....that's Back to Back wins! And he's getting played off as he's making a point about diversity and "making the color of our skin as irrelevant as the length of our hair."

Alright.. the final stretch. I've eaten way too many crackers with cheese tonight. Should have bought Girl Scout cookies....

Best Actress: Brie Lawson from "Room" ... and little Jacob Tremblay (who was ROBBED of a Supporting Actor nomination! ROBBED!) gets her second hug! Her speech is so happy! No tears at all... that's good. She was miserable enough in that movie.

Okay... Best Actor is next. I'm afraid to say anything right now...

Best Actor: THANK GOD! Leonard DiCaprio!! First Oscar, 6th Nomination. Is Kate Winslet crying? In the wide shot she's jumping up and down clapping. Standing Ovation. He totally rehearsed this speech.. but that's okay. He had long enough to prep... And yay for the climate change statements! Note: He did NOT get played off. (The director's not that dumb)

Best Picture: SPOTLIGHT!  Not The Revenant, but not The Big Short either! Whoo hoo! YAY FOR JOURNALISM!!! And an amazing cast!

[And the Kings just lost 2-4 to the Sucky Ducks. Lead in the Pacific down to 2 points :( ]

And Chris Rock ends the show with... "I want to invite everybody here to BET Awards this summer. I just want to say good night, this has been an amazing experience, congratulations to all our Oscar winners, buy some Girl Scout cookies, Black Lives Matter. Thank you Brooklyn!"

And then all the winners came back out on stage.. nice touch.

The END!

Chris Rock was pretty great considering what he ended up having to deal with... that probably made him better.

• Best bits: Compton Movie Goer Interviews and the Girl Scout cookies. 
• Worst bits: Stacey Dash and the kid accountants

Final Tally:

• Mad Max: Fury Road = 6 Oscars
• The Revenant = 3 Oscars
• Spotlight = 2 Oscars
• Everything else that won = 1 Oscar

Correct Oscar Prediction Count: 18/24
(I think that's what I got last year too... )