missing lucky

It's been a week since I had to say a sad goodbye to my sweet, loving, majestic Lucky boy, and I'm still so sad, especially today because a) it's been exactly a week since he passed and b) because I picked up his ashes tonight. I haven't I've cried as much as I have in the last week in a long, long time. :(

I think part of the reason I'm so sad is because I had to make the decision to say goodbye. And while I know in my head it was the right thing to do so he wouldn't suffer, it still broke my heart. We'd been fighting his failing kidneys for four years, and he'd been such a strong fighter for so long. But after he developed asthma a month ago, and continued to lose weight, I sensed the end was near. Then last Sunday, he started vomiting a lot and his blood tests looked pretty bad when I took him to the vet. Late that night he had another asthma attack, and I knew his little body was failing him. The next morning, I called my dad to go with us to the vet... yet as we drove there, I was still hoping maybe they could just give him a shot for his asthma. But when the vet walked in, he informed me Lucky's white blood cell counts from the day before came back in the "terminal" stage for his kidney disease and I knew that was it.... yet I still made the vet show me the lab report so I could see the results with my own eyes. 

He was the best cat ever for the 15 and a half years I got to be his "person," and I really miss seeing him sitting in the front window when I come home, and his nightly cuddles during TV time. I also miss him keeping the peace / acting as a silent yet all-knowing mediator between me and his crazy sister Lily -- my other cat I adopted just to be Lucky's friend, who hates all people, and who's been living in a donut bed under the dining room table for the last week... with the occasional dash to the litter box or her food bowl in the kitchen. And while that's not that out of the ordinary for her, I can tell she misses Lucky too. 





When my grandma passed away earlier this year, I became acutely aware of certain things that were connected to her, like the cactus plants she'd given me as a little girl. When their pink cactus flowers started blooming this summer, right after her birthday, I felt like those flowers were her way of saying hello to me from one of my "happy places" -- my garden. 

So this weekend, I decided that would be a great way to remember Lucky... by planting something in his memory in my garden. I found this beautiful unique, red and white rose bush, and have planted it in the center of my corner garden. 

It's now Lucky's rose bush, and I will think of him every time it blooms, hopefully with a smile on my face, like the one I get when Granny's cactus flowers bloom.